So I skipped up to my school office and looked up PM David Lange’s office in the phone book.  A friendly woman answered, and I explained I was a Year 7 student at Wellington Girls’ College who needed to set up an interview with Mr Lange for my school project.  She explained the protocol: write a letter saying who I was, what the interview was for, what questions I’d ask and how long I’d need, then send it to the office for review.  I wrote my letter and posted it that afternoon.

A week later, I called back.  The same secretary answered the phone, and I asked if she’d received my letter.  She assured me that she had and could schedule me in for an interview next Tuesday at 2pm.  That, I felt, was pretty good: an interview with the PM for my first high school project.  I was sure my teacher would be impressed.

She didn’t believe my story.  She called me a liar in front of the whole class — a deceitful child who had concocted a fanciful story to get out of class.  I was humiliated and confused.  Why didn’t she believe me?  What was the big deal?  It was so easy to secure the meeting; I didn’t do anything extraordinary.

Later that week, Lange’s office called my school.  There had been changes to his schedule, and they needed to move my interview time.  My teacher apologized profusely.

When I met David Lange, he was relaxed and charming.  He sat at one end of a huge wooden desk covered in piles of papers with his hands behind his head, his feet up on the desk, a wide smile and a booming laugh.  He made jokes as I asked my list of ridiculous questions about the subjects he studied at school to become a Prime Minister — my interview was clearly the highlight of his day.  At the end, he told me he thought I’d make a fantastic Prime Minister and that I should keep up the good work.

The school made such a big deal out of my interview that I was embarrassed.  The headmistress called me up in assembly and announced my accomplishment.  I also scored an A+ for my project.

I was surprised when my teacher didn’t believe that I’d set up the interview and when my headmistress thought it was an amazing accomplishment.  It was simple.  They assumed there would be huge barriers, but there were none.  The barriers existed in their imaginations.

When I was 19, I decided to create a concert in my hometown of Wellington to raise awareness of youth suicide.  A friend who worked at the local student radio station had Neil Finn’s home phone number.  I called him, he answered the phone, and I shared with him my vision for the event.  A few days later, he agreed to play.  When I first launched Posse for music, I managed to sign up Ticketmaster as a client before we’d built a product or raised any money.

When I first launched Posse, we were struggling to build a technology team.  I approached Lars Rasmussen at a lunch break at Tech 23, shared my vision for Posse, my challenges as a non-tech founder, and asked if he’d help me.  He agreed to meet for coffee, interview my existing team, and then help me recruit new people — before joining the board and investing in the company.

One of the key components to the success of Posse has been our capacity to enlist the help of some of the best people in the world.  When I share the Posse story and our list of investors, directors and mentors, I’m asked how we developed those relationships.

You can reach almost anyone in the world by picking up the phone.

P.S. I’ve started writing a weekly column for The New York Times.  Check it out here.

Anyone who looked at Posse from the outside would conclude I have an incredible network, so I must be an expert schmoozer.  Our shareholder register includes the founder of Google Maps, high profile Silicon Valley Venture Capitalists, senior executives from eBay, MTV, Macquarie Bank, Wotif, NineMSN and many others.  But I’m nothing of the sort, quite the opposite in fact.  As an introvert, I’ve always struggled with networking.  Here, I’ll share some challenges I’ve experienced and how I’ve learned to build a powerful network despite my natural reticence.

This past week I’ve been at the annual MaiTai conference in Maui, hanging out with 130 of the world’s top tech entrepreneurs, investors and pro kite surfers.  We started each morning at 8am with inspiring and educational panels featuring some of the most interesting people I’ve come across.  At midday, we all headed to the beach to kite surf.  I’m still a beginner so I took lessons from 2 – 5pm, but other than that, we chilled out on the beach drinking beer and forming friendships with people who’d influence and help us in business and life.  At night, there was a formal dinner or event followed by after parties that ran until pretty close to the start of next morning sessions.

Some people can walk into any event and charm the room.  They’re confident, funny and can form close relationships with anyone seemingly without effort.  I always wished I was like that but in truth, I’m not.  When I look around a room at a party where I don’t know many people, I find it daunting to approach just anyone and strike up a conversation.  It doesn’t come naturally.  I’m an introvert, and all these networking events are designed for and work better with extroverts.  This past week has been amazing fun – I’ve met some awesome people with whom I’m sure I’ll stay in contact for years to come.  But it wasn’t all easy.

The MaiTai after party

Am I the only one who feels this way?  My guess is, lots of us go to these events and struggle.  We stick at it because we know it matters, and as we progress, we learn to hide our discomfort and improve our skills.  I’m a perfectionist and hate not to be good at something, but I have to accept that this is just me.  I’ve developed techniques to help me to form important relationships and improve – even enjoy – the process of networking.

1. Focus on what you are good at.

Although I find large informal groups like parties a challenge, I know that I perform well in formal presentation settings or one-on-one conversations.  Instead of beating myself up about not being able to charm groups at the dinner table, I focus my efforts in learning how to build on my more natural skills of engaging people one-on-one, and public speaking.  An ability to kill it at a one-on-one presentation is all you need to build a great network, because if you leave that person inspired then they’ll want to introduce you to their friends.  That’s how I’ve built my entire network.

2. At events have short conversations with lots of people then follow up later.

I find it difficult to form deep connections at informal events, instead I try to have short conversations with as many people as possible, making sure I have everyone’s details so I can follow up later.  Then I’ll reach out after the event, setting up a lunch or coffee.  That’s an environment where I know I’ll be able to win them over.

3. A network isn’t about having lots of shallow relationships.  It’s about forming a few close relationships.

Some people have hundreds or even thousands in their network.  Other than on social networks where I don’t know most of the people to whom I’m supposedly connected, I’d say my close business network includes about fifteen people – but these people are special.  Every year I’ll meet between one and three new people who are just magic, and I know they’ll have a profound impact on my life.  It’s never ‘what can this person do for me,’ it’s a realisation that I’ve encountered someone awesome who I want to be connected with and learn from.  I’ve always thought the whole ‘networking’ thing wasn’t for me, and when I reflect on why my network is so powerful despite this I’d say it comes down to how much I value and nurture these relationships.  Almost all good things come to me from one of these fifteen people.

4. Don’t beat yourself up about not being an expert socialiser.

Some people are born extraverts and some are introverts.  That’s fine.  We introverts have different strengths: feel good about your quieter disposition.  And check out this great TED talk by Susan Cain on ‘The Power of Introverts‘.  I spent years thinking that I should be different – louder, funnier, more extraverted.  Now I recognise the need to be grateful for the talents that I do have.  This is just another thing I’ll continue to work on.

5. Stick at it and it gets easier.

When I think back ten or even two years, I’ve become much more comfortable at networking as I’ve practised.  Now, I hardly notice my introversion and some people are surprised when I reveal that I find large events difficult to navigate.

Being invited to events like MaiTai is such a privilege.  I’ve come to meet so many incredible people, learned a new sport and had a tonne of fun in the process.  The first time I went a couple of years ago, I only knew two people – and not even very well – and I stayed in a house with a group of about ten whom I’d never met before.  As an introvert, I found the whole week daunting.  But I pushed through, and I’m glad I did.  As an entrepreneur the road is tough, but events like these and the people that you meet can make the journey so much more fun, attainable, ultimately fulfilling.

The MaiTai crew at the beach on Maui